Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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