Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
