everyone is single if you try hard enough
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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