I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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