ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
