my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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