I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
