New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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