I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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