New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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