Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
