2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
