why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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