last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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