Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
