If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
