You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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