Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
