I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
