Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
