If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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