Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
