Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
