Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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