Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
