But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
