I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
