What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
