meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
