I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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