Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My feet surprised me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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