Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
