VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
