I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
