He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
