I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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