Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
