'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
