i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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