I wish I could punch you in the face.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
