Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
