Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
