left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
