you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
