This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
