so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Can I color on your dick again?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
