I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
