He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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