As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
