The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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