Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
